you mean i was at the winter classic?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
