Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
