.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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