dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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