His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
3pm strippers are depressing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
