Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize