Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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