I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
