You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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