Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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