Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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