You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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