I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
