I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize