HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
