Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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