then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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