There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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