His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
