That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
