Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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