Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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