finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
