we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
