I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
