Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
where does the pee come out of this thing
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
