When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
