I met the friendliest cop last night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
