I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
