can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
