i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
