i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
