You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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