Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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