Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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