She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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