Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
