Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
