shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
