he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
