Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
