You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize