I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
