He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
