I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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