I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
