Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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