I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize