Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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