Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
