Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
