I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
