Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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