Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We just shotgunned beers for America
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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