there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
