drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
