are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
