I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
