you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize