So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just want nice things and good sex
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
