glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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