he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
