Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
