When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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