I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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