you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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