He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just want nice things and good sex
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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