I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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