As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
