So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
