...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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