We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize