omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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