cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
