i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
