WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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