My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
