I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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