i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
