her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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