now i know why i became what i already was.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He? As in you personified your dick?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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