So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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