im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
