Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
