apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
