Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
