my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize