You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
