I CAN MOONWALK!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
