I didn't shave. On purpose
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
