so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I currently don't understand fingers.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
