Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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